transition: mntn life

"Love will tell us the rest of what we need to know, soon"- Rumi 

So i have reached a very new season in my life.  After working very hard this summer with the NOST after school/summer camp program and taking a break from bike riding, I have moved on to a new adventure.  The job is new, the adventure is a bit of a returning.  I will be working part-time (hopefully full time soon!) with Eastern Mountain Sports and continuing to guard the night as the NLI nightwatchman.  Working at EMS has re-opened many doors in terms of outdoor adventure and racing, and I am very hopeful about competing and SHARING adventures this coming year.  After all, life is not about me; but then again, God knows our hearts and the things in life we love, the elements and purpose in all we do.  Our passions are not just things, but they also help us write the story of who we are.  They tell us what we really want and what matters most- 

I Hope whatever season you are in, or if things are changing quickly and you don't really understand why, that you can hang on for the ride and know it will all make sense soon.   

Post script: Whenever I write the word "Hope" i try to capitalize it.  I know that you are only supposed to capitalize proper nouns and such, but i believe Hope is a special word.  Maybe the most special of them all.  Hope is a feeling, Hope is a smile, Hope is an inspiration, Hope is a movement: Hope is real.  Check out Romans 5:5 for further details...

 listen:
 Switchfoot (Jon Foreman)- "thrive"

feeling ok

Listen:
anberlin- "Down"

As a young man, I still think I can change the world.  I am fired up, here and there, about the social and political ills of the world, and am quick to rush to the side of the oppressed and open my mouth to speak about how things should be better.  But one thing they forget to tell you in the inspiring books and amazing stories of world changing people, is that when you actually are in it, when you are in the midst of a mission or a charity; almost all the luster is gone and it is just plain hard (hence the reason others have either tried and failed, or just given up completely). 
  I had to tell my Boss I got a new job and would be leaving in two weeks.  I waited the whole afternoon to tell her and the anticipation was really awful.  But as I spoke words of ending, I was greeted with even greater words of what was to come.  "Sad for us, but happy for you" and then of course, on the walk out to the parking lot, a beautiful and full double rainbow.  Any reservations, any regrets?
  I believe we are our own worst enemies.  Sure our parents, significant others, professors, and mentors can add to the dynamics and pressure of an already wild and crazy world, yet usually our worst and most intense critic is the one that stares you in the mirror.  As I smiled at the sights and sounds of the early evening, and was so thankful to have such a comforting and understanding boss, I felt like God was saying well done.  That's not to say that I did a perfect job or even that I won't be back to try again, but it was a special feeling going home that day.
  I think it was so special because, beyond the natural beauty, i came to the stark yet simple realization that this is not about me at all.  I saw a friend in the store yesterday, a humble and Wise man, and after explaining the story to him, he simply said, "I think that's what we are called to do".  Meaning the little things add up.  They matter.  So instead of focusing on what "I" can do for this place, for that situation (key word being "I"), the focus should rather be what can happen if we let go, and let Love.  What could happen if we let the presence of Hope and Truth, that which dwells in all who believe, lead the way in this dance of life?  I may not have seen the impact of "my" works and actions, but that is no matter; just being in a place and believing and Hoping in and for those people present makes everything worth it.
At the end of the day we are all lost causes, trying to walk the road home.  Can it be OK? Can we change the world? 

Can we go together?

sister(s)

I said Sister, here is what I know now
Here is what I know now
Goes like this..
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, in your love, in your love"
-ALEXI MURDOCH
 
There are certain points in our lives where we feel old, or just older, as if our biological age was not a reality and all the people around us would stay the same age forever.  There are certain milestones, regarding age, where you just go, "whew" and wonder where you had been for all the time leading up to this said milestone.  One of those is for your little sister to go off to college. 
  Even though I just graduated college, I still haven't felt like my sister is getting much older.  I must be careful here, that is, not to say that she hasn't matured and showed signs of moving into a new phase of life, but sometimes you spend so much time watching the snowflakes, you end up confused by the new foot of fresh powder under your foot.  There have been two main experiences that have really allowed me to realize my sister's age, and also get excited knowing she is ready for the new challenge of college.  The first was her singing in a musical with her school (i had never even heard her sing, no joke) and the second was her going out to Kansas City for the Skills USA competition (yeah bronze medal!).  These experiences, along with many others, are aligning her up with a beautiful end to the chapter that is high school and I Hope she is as thrilled for WSC, as she has come so far,  and with so much good and beauty to come!
  I also want to share about two other special sisters attempting to move mountains in their new adventures...
First off, my friend and sister for over three quarters of my life is heading off on a world wide missions trip called "World Race" no, not the amazing race.  I will let you read about it here and support her too:
Ash WORLD RACE
I Have known Ashley for a long time, and she is a beautiful image of Hope and truth.  She believes, she works hard and she is SO thrilled to take all of her gifts straight to the peoples around the world who need it most, I cannot wait to hear about and pray for her journey- and the journey of all those helped and helping!
  Finally I have this other sister.  Now she also has a brother, just like Ash and just like my sister and I, but he's a good guy, so I think he'd be OK if I was in the fam.  This girl is also venturing forth into a new land, this time, not in a world race, but to study and learn.  She is going to do great, and Love well, but I can understand why she is nervous.  It just occurred to me how we have such similar hearts!  But fear is not the heart of love, and just as this girl inspires and surprises me every time we get to talk, she will triumph and take in every detail of this beautiful trip.  Remember Jeanne Clark, perfect Love drowns out fear; may it find you well.
  I always wish I had a brother.  I always wished time would stop and we could start it up again when we were ready.  Well, neither of these are an option.  Yet I am one of the happiest and most blessed people in the world, and it is in a large part due to the hearts and Hopes of my sisters, biological or otherwise.

May God guide you on the straight and narrow,
and may the light each one of you share and carry so, so well,
guide you into and over whatever this new season brings.

Love, in Hope and in gratitude,

Bud, B2, Brandon

Listen:
Switchfoot- Hello Hurricane (you CAN'T silence my Love)

small glimpses and a heart of service

For those of you who don't know, I just completed an 8.5 week summer position with Plustime new Hampshire for Americorps.  I have worked at the previously location, but working under the Americorps banner created a twist to an already interesting experience.  Needless to say, this summer has been tough.  I have worked very hard, for very little, it has been tough having many bosses (too much confusion) and add to that the financial strain of working in a professional volunteer position and my own health struggles.  But even as I write this, I feel a sense of thankfulness.  I was given the opportunity to serve and I was able to do this, no matter how bruised and battered at the finish line.
  Some days, of course, were harder than others.  Some days the kids behaved, some days they didn't, still other days it rained, and others we splashed; all day.  That is the natural progression of life, this is the good and the bad, the tough and the true, all around us, in particular, to those places where light doesn't seem to shine quite as much.  The kids I work with have tough many of them.  And to make some impact, what ever it is, is to move a mountain.  To see a smile in days of frowns and downcast eyes, means a lot.  To make a new friend.  Small glimpses.
  I know some friends who have had struggles this summer, haven't we all?  For me the work I did and the struggles I encountered were new and maybe even more difficult then any in the past.  Yet I was reminded of those who are MUCH less fortunate in other countries and I had a multitude of reasons to keep my heart soft.  I thought of the many who are still controlled by corrupt governments and those who work jobs that don't even pay a wage to sustain one person, much less a whole family.  I thought about kids who had to sneak to school and Hope to not get caught in violence or worse.  But mostly I thought of the little things that make life so spectacular, the things that make it worth it.  Sometimes, when we are tired or really taken advantage of, or even in a bout of depression or grief it is nearly impossible to see anything good or worthwhile.  Yet we must, even if it is small. 
  This world is not even, or fair.  Sometimes it doesn't even make sense.  Some work a ten hour day and make $2.  Some people spend their life chasing a goal and right before they reach it, they lose everything to sickness or a thief.  Sometimes we only have one reason, one second during the course of a day with which to crack a smile.  We must not let these moments go to waste!  For where there is one, there can be another also.  Where there is three, why not twelve.  Life is made of of tiny pieces.  Eventually they will come together for good.  Someday, one day, we could live to see a completely different side of life and people.  One day we could spend all our time searching for a reason to not be happy.  Salvation is here, and there is beauty and Hope  in all, if we are just patient enough to find it, or let it find us.   

listen:
John Mark Mcmillan- Death in his grave

Book Review: Love & War

 

To go forward we must first go back.  A Number of months ago John and Stasi Eldredge, some of my favorite Christian authors put out a new book.  It happened to be a marriage book, called Love and War.  I was excited for the book, but quickly realized I was neither married nor did I have the extra funds to be a book to stick on the shelf and read at a time that was more applicable then when I was a single young man with a few part-time jobs.  But low and behold, Ransomed Heart ministries was offering the first 200 copies to those who would review the book on their blog.  I figured, I had a blog, it was worth a shot.  Here is my end of the bargain!
  Although I concluded the book approximately a month and a half ago, I am finally ready to give this review thing a GO.  I am particularly excited to review the book for many reasons, but particularly because I have quoted the book many times over the last few days.  Ever since I finished school, I have had a lot of extra time (normally spent doing homework) thinking about and pondering love and marriage in particular.  It is interesting to first note the title.  This is a marriage book, not a movie title or a lesson in battlefield relationships or a fictional drama; this is a marriage book. Yet the two seemingly contradictory words that make up the title are fitting, as the authors unveil over the course of the book.  This is Love, in the romantic and relational sense, and yet it is a war, a battlefield, a great fight.  Why do we so seldom see it this way?
  I Love the intro to this book.  The intro cuts from an actual wedding ceremony (with John performing the service) to the thoughts and ideas of onlookers and the narration of the authors.  You are immediately captivated and you feel part of the story; and of course, you desire this for yourself, or rather, you enter yourself into the equation with your own "dearly beloved."  I also enjoy how John and Stasi describe things in terms of the epic and extraordinary importance of the stories we all have and share, in this particular example, within the context of marriage.  The story of marriage is that special.
  Each chapter is wittingly titled, speaking on everything from a new roommate, to a shared adventure to, (gulp) even a chapter on sex!  But each chapter does a good job summarizing the themes and presenting proof for said ideas in a Christian sense.  I think the most important aspects covered include spiritual warfare and the importance of couples praying with one another, for these are often topics that are difficult to speak about and even more difficult to apply to couples lives.   
  The final chapter sums up the entire book well, and is aptly titled, "Learning to Love".  This chapter is neat because much of the chapter is applicable to all of life.  Is this not the aim of all? Yet learning to Love in a marriage sense is even more profound and delicate.  The chapter speaks on choices, sacrifice, and forgiveness, and continually refers back to the reason and source for it all; to God.  John and Stasi are so good at using quotes from others (C.S. Lewis and George MacDonald in particular) to bring home their point.  They also include daily prayers on marriage and sexual healing which are particularly important in this capacity.
 The only aspect of this book I did not care for was the details that we're shared.  Sometimes both John and Stasi reveal a little too much in a relation to their own personal experience.  hence the subtitle of "taboo topics".  Some things must be revealed, but the depth of their details may take away from the actual message being presented.  Real world examples are good, but sometimes a little too much just causes a whole lot of confusion for the reader.
  All in all, this is the first marriage book I have read.  But, having read a number of John and Stasi's books, I believe they have a good idea on the subjects they speak and they always remind us of the core of what we are searching for.  In this case, we are looking for Love.
Then again, is that not what we are always seeking?
Love really is a war, yes, even Love in the romantic sense.  But over and over it is confirmed, that it is worth it, and God is for it.  May John and Stasi continue to be great vessels of that Love, of that co-mission-  I just Hope I should be so blessed to have such an opportunity

"It does not come easy.  Falling in Love is how God gives us a push in the right direction.  But then we have to choose...
When we abandon ourselves to Love, we find ourselves closer to the one who is always doing that himself.  We find ourselves closer to God." -John and Stasi Eldredge


Listen:
Brandon Heath- Love never Fails

long enough to be felt

"to love someone means to move" fr. Guissani

(foto courtesy TWLOHA.com)

Our words need actions to come alive.  Even the greatest word s, faith, hope, love, truth or the ever more majestic words, like triumph, correspondence, enamored, devotional- they all need some sort of action on the other side to make them come ALIVE.  
  There is a big difference between knowing something, having it in your mind as true and real; and believing or rather feeling something.  I know my mom and dad love me, but sometimes I don't feel like it (same for myself in regards to them).  I believe we know a lot of things in life, but it is becoming increasingly difficult in the crazy and fast paced life that we live, for us to allow ourselves and others to feel these things we speak on and believe so well.
Sometimes in our conversations and interactions, we (and I only say we cause I frequently do this) look right past the person speaking and think about something we are doing later or maybe what we are going to say in reply.  It is hard not to, right?  Or, even worse, in a Christian sense, we rush our friend speaking on the issue at hand or cannot make time for them altogether because we promise, "oh I'll just pray for you, later".  Of course prayer is important, rather, it is essential (Luke 18:1), but it is not nor has it ever been a scape goat.  We still need to move.  We need to remain, true to what comes up, over and over in our hearts.  Especially when we don't feel like it. 
I think we have a natural connotation to put things in order, place value on our relationships; preferences.  We would rather hang out with him or her, rather go to the concert instead of the dinner, rather be with friends instead of at the family reunion, rather turn off my phone when I know my friend wants to talk...
and yet the type of love that we are to move in, the kind of love that still loves in this broken world, the unconditional love, the truest sense of this glorious four letter word, is still possible.  Even today, even in this very moment.  But we have to let it go.  We have to let it return.  We have to place it in our minds before we go to bed and let it rise with us in the morning sun- We have to let go, and let Love.  It is possible.  It is crazy, it is daring, bold and trans formative, it is real.  It looks different for every single person, and it just maybe the hardest thing in the world, maybe even harder then bungee jumping, Tour de Francing, or storming the beach on D-Day facing emanate death at the hands of evil manifested in human form. 

What does it look like to give ourselves over to Love?

and can we stay with it, with you, long enough to be felt?

"because I know, what its like, everyone that I know, every place that i go, every story that I'm told,
It's love, love, love, it's love, love, love, that we're lookin for"

LISTEN:
mat kearney- "everyone I know"

a martyr, a memory, a young life, A Savior: the perfect tourniquet

I got to see one of my favorite and most inspired bands recently.  It was even better to see them with one of my very best friends and 'ol roommate Sam.  They hail from Florida, but their recent album cover features a picturesque landscape that I can relate to and makes me Love them all the more.  Anberlin inspires and pushes me in the right direction everyday.  I first started listening to them in 2006 and shortly after started looking into their lyrics, which, for an up tempo emo/indie band in the mold of Brand new, were incredibly deep and thought provoking.  Shortly after I found out they were all Christians (Stephen's last name is actually Christian) and pumped up about the possibility of a better life through this genre of music.

All this excitement and all the elements of words and sounds and projects outside of music and the depth of a couple of Floridians with instruments makes the mind put people on a pedestal.  Although I tended to think of Stephen and the band as "superhero's" of truth and love (and maybe they are) it was quickly made clear to me, that they were just twenty something year old guys.  They have faults, they have shortcomings, they have fallen short: they are just like me.
Dismantle.Repair

Humbling for sure!  Then again, I was still like a little kid at the show, singing every song until my lungs burned and my legs ached from jumping up and down!  And I got Deon's pick!!!

So as that concert on one of the last days in May, gets me pumped up about living and loving and attempting to walk the glorious path God has laid before me, i figured I'd propose a few questions???

What bands or rather song(s) Move you to Move?  To be a better person, to Hope, to laugh, to draw on an experience and go gravitate infinity?  Is there a song that you feel was written for YOU?

...and the second part of that is, why not allow these things to move us?  Our dance party at CSC last year had a theme of, "Let go, Let love"  Can we not live our lives this way?  Can we not let our hearts be moved, as frightening and as daunting as it may be?  I think the answer is, we can, and we will.  Because that which moves us is not just for inspiration or a good time, but rather these elements of life, in this case music tell us about our own hearts, and what they need.  These words tell us about our own Hopes and Dreams, our destiny in this life.  These guitar riff's tell us about our God and how he would love to see us move and help one another out of Love.  Finally, these songs tell us about our story, and how, with faith and Love, we can live magnificent stories that even Hollywood would be jealous for.

This movement is "the perfect tourniquet", this movement is "Jesus to the demons", this reality is "laughing, loving, living free and singing"-

Don't drop your Arms!  (Thank you ANBERLIN...Godspeed!!!)

listen:
"Paperthin hymn" anberlin

"Dismantle.Repair" acoustic- anberlin

Post Script: I am very excited to read the new book by John and Stasi Eldridge, "Love & War" and I will be (new thing) writing a review about it after I read it stay tuned!!

High Horses: Horse Feathers

I have been sleeping on the futon because my bed is covered in laundry.  As I arose into the morning (there are no curtains in this room) my gaze turned to the many pictures and figures around my room.  My thoughts immediately turned to Lauren and the wonderful painting she had made for my birthday this past winter.  Then I looked at the giant CL picture of the Jesus statue in Rio De Janiero and I thought about Ewa, who had introduced me to the beautiful expression of faith in the Communion and Liberation movement.  Then on scanning to the TWLOHA spring tour brochure I thought of the amazing night Brianna, Andy, Alyse and Lauren and I spent hanging with Jamie T and Ryan from Sleeping at Last, Denny and Denny's!  Then I saw the wonderful picture of a "lily? Kristy had given me that arose after my cat passed away... and on and on. 
In the early morning sun, i thought, wow I am blessed to have such experiences and even better friends.  All of these experiences somehow leading up to this one young man that I am, every one adding to the character and life I hold inside me.  This also made me think about Ego.  As someone in the Christian fellowship here at CSC and having just graduated I have influence within a lot of areas and have made a great many friends and acquaintances around town.  But when something amazing happens or somebody asks me for help, it is easy to get excited and say, wow, "look what I can do". 

So upon looking around my room, my conclusion is that alone I can do nearly nothing.  But rather, it is with the experiences, the ideas, the music, the books, the Hope and the promise, all narrated by others and orchestrated by a God who cares more then we'll ever know or understand.  No, it is not me, but rather the presence inside me, that, in some round-about way, is also my own.

Then again, God gives me the reigns on my story.  Within reason of course, but their is the beautiful and majestic realization as a young Christian that Christ makes us move, helps us Love, yet he still allows us to Be.  What Love?  Can we even comprehend this divine paradox?  Everything glorious in the eyes of God, everything orchestrated, yet, everything our own, each DNA strand unique?

My original Hope for this poetic catch phrase, A DARING CORRESPONDENCE, is to find those things that hit your heart; you know what I mean, maybe a friends voice, a song by your favorite band, maybe a chance meeting, or an answered prayer- and see what and why those things strike us and what they mean in the grand story that is our own, or rather, a Story that belongs to and somehow affects ALL people.

I Hope beyond Hope that somehow, God willing, I can be a small part in you realizing you are amazing, that there's a light that never goes out, and it is NEVER too late to begin or pick up where you left off.  This is about faith, Hope and Love, but the greatest of these is Love, THE GREATEST of these is Love. 

For we are nothing and everything in this world; in the same instant of time.  Now that is a beauty to unveil, a Wild heart to live-

"Where had you been?"

Horse Feathers

BEGINNINGS- Sanctuary in a Lions mouth

REVERSE!
Why the blog and what's it all about? And how come correspondence is such a long word?

Well, I want to write, as the sub title mentions about everyday miracles and important lessons I learn in my life adn maybe, just maybe they are helpful to others, if even one other person. Believe it or not, lessons learned in New Hampshire are actually applicable to life outside of living free and looking at mountains. Ok, so Correpondence comes from a phrase that has meant a lot to me the last few years. Your could also write heart, or spark, or feeling. The correspondence is that moment where your heart feels alive, it could be a spring rain shower, a smile of an old friend, the voice of God, a sunrise, a song- whatever. Point is it moves you, and it sustains you. This is the movement of the heart that we all so desperately desire, and, need.
The word Daring simply comes from the fact that so few actually take the chance at letting this feeling move them and help them live and discover that a heart alive, is a heart right. SO what does this feel like?
You'll know when you get there. Trust me. There is nothing else like it. In the words of Jon Foreman, "there ain't no durg, no drug to make me well"-Maybe the drug is the heart, and maybe it takes feeding, nurturing, affection, creativity, and even words to move- Maybe its been ransomed, but yet still feels trapped.

Anyway, this is about our hearts. recapturing them, feeling them, making them move. Its not easy; its actually petrifying. Yet it is worth it. And somehow your body, your soul want to head towards this correspondence, this light.
I believe it is found in all things, but especially in simple conversations where tow people share whats going on and encourage one another. It starts at the ground level. It starts with you, and me. It's a courageous heart, its a bold proposition, its a true feeling, it is a Daring Correspondence and its there for the taking. Are you willing to Move? Chances are I am just as scared as you, but, I am Hoping beyond Hope this is true-

We are ALL alive, but how many of us are really living?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-QThgztMUw