The Length of Time over which recollection Extends

Memorial Day is important.  Memories are important.  Memories are celebrations of Life.

It has been a very quiet memorial day in New London today, and I find that sad.  Not to say that the day and the particular people remembered on this day (especially armed forces and recently lost loved ones) has been forgotten, but the outward celebration of life has not been proclaimed.  That I can tell.  Then again, maybe we all o this in many ways.  I chose to think and pray for those close to my friends and myself, we have lost over the past few years and days, and I chose to make these thoughts action by writing some people I was close to on my left forearm as I ran in a local 5K race in remembrance and memorium.

It is important to remember, for so many reasons.  The title I chose for this post is one of the many dictionary definitions for "memories".  The length of time over which recollection extends.  As many of you know, one of the struggles related to my brain injury is trouble recollecting short term memories (anatomy was really difficult five months post accident!)  So, according to this definition, their is a limited time which recollection extends.  This is of course true, and maybe even more true for somebody like me who has trouble recollecting in general.  It is also true because people with brain injuries and short term memory deficits are often depressed and frustrated with life due to these struggles.  That tells you how important memories are.

Memories are extremely relevant too.  Where we have been and what we hold onto can tell us a lot about who we are right now.  It can also tell us where we would like to and not like to go in the future. Memories are like a cities on the map of your story, your life.  They are filled with everything life has to offer, all the ups and downs, all the love and pain, all the trial and tribulations- all the ebb and flow.  So they are not only important and purposeful, but they are monumental in leading us towards the life we would like to live, the destiny Love would have us grasp.

But I would say they are even more.
Memories are the recollection of all five senses combining to make a movie from the past, of a person, of an experience.  They are not just a filling of time and space, but a lived opportunity at making this world better, or somehow OK.  So on memorial day, we can think of the people who made these experiences come to life.  After all, this life is about relationship.  Good or bad, missing, crying, and rejoicing, people make us move, and love leads us to continue, on and on, with memories being the wake in the sea of time.

To all those I have lost, to all whose memory I hold still, joyfully or begrudgingly,
Thank You    
For you have made my life beautiful and filled me to overflowing.  And YOU continue to do this, in spirit and in truth, ALWAYS.

On this memorial day, know that YOU are much more then a "recollection", so much more, but rather our lives are an extension of God (in HIS image), that spans all time, and always rejoices at the memories we hold close.  Memories are celebrations of Life. 

High Horses: Horse Feathers

I have been sleeping on the futon because my bed is covered in laundry.  As I arose into the morning (there are no curtains in this room) my gaze turned to the many pictures and figures around my room.  My thoughts immediately turned to Lauren and the wonderful painting she had made for my birthday this past winter.  Then I looked at the giant CL picture of the Jesus statue in Rio De Janiero and I thought about Ewa, who had introduced me to the beautiful expression of faith in the Communion and Liberation movement.  Then on scanning to the TWLOHA spring tour brochure I thought of the amazing night Brianna, Andy, Alyse and Lauren and I spent hanging with Jamie T and Ryan from Sleeping at Last, Denny and Denny's!  Then I saw the wonderful picture of a "lily? Kristy had given me that arose after my cat passed away... and on and on. 
In the early morning sun, i thought, wow I am blessed to have such experiences and even better friends.  All of these experiences somehow leading up to this one young man that I am, every one adding to the character and life I hold inside me.  This also made me think about Ego.  As someone in the Christian fellowship here at CSC and having just graduated I have influence within a lot of areas and have made a great many friends and acquaintances around town.  But when something amazing happens or somebody asks me for help, it is easy to get excited and say, wow, "look what I can do". 

So upon looking around my room, my conclusion is that alone I can do nearly nothing.  But rather, it is with the experiences, the ideas, the music, the books, the Hope and the promise, all narrated by others and orchestrated by a God who cares more then we'll ever know or understand.  No, it is not me, but rather the presence inside me, that, in some round-about way, is also my own.

Then again, God gives me the reigns on my story.  Within reason of course, but their is the beautiful and majestic realization as a young Christian that Christ makes us move, helps us Love, yet he still allows us to Be.  What Love?  Can we even comprehend this divine paradox?  Everything glorious in the eyes of God, everything orchestrated, yet, everything our own, each DNA strand unique?

My original Hope for this poetic catch phrase, A DARING CORRESPONDENCE, is to find those things that hit your heart; you know what I mean, maybe a friends voice, a song by your favorite band, maybe a chance meeting, or an answered prayer- and see what and why those things strike us and what they mean in the grand story that is our own, or rather, a Story that belongs to and somehow affects ALL people.

I Hope beyond Hope that somehow, God willing, I can be a small part in you realizing you are amazing, that there's a light that never goes out, and it is NEVER too late to begin or pick up where you left off.  This is about faith, Hope and Love, but the greatest of these is Love, THE GREATEST of these is Love. 

For we are nothing and everything in this world; in the same instant of time.  Now that is a beauty to unveil, a Wild heart to live-

"Where had you been?"

Horse Feathers

summer skin in the Empire State

There is something special about the first warm days of the year.  Snow is all but forgotten (even if it stay til April), school slows and eventually ends, summer plans are made and the dark northeast becomes a tourist magnet for city dweller and hibernating animal alike.  I have always thought the term "spring fever" for young men and women is an intriguing phenomenon.  Somehow, the weather changing gets people, in body and mind, to feel Alive and rejuvenated, ready to seek out another, hoping for romance...


yet there is a correspondence beyond a summer romance we truly seek.
There is a Hope that does not disappoint,
There is a Love that never fails...
  or keeps score

As a good friend reminded me recently, Love is the one thing we never stop seeking as a human race.  Maybe it is a part of our being, celestial in nature, cut to the core.  Maybe it is written on our hearts.  Maybe it is part of the fantasy we attempt to breathe life into.  Regardless, Love, and the pursuit therein, is the most cosmically engaging aspect of the human existence and the element that proves we are not so evolutionary after all. Why would a species hold onto an element of their being that consistently destroys and stretches their very existence?  And why, upon reaching this love, do they realize it is flawed and many times not enough?  How can we be made for this, yet seek more?

this summer, make sure your Passion has purpose <><;

There is something special about the first warm days of the year...


Listening: Matt Nathanson
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tXvMJ2UF4RM&NR=1


http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b4/Niagara_Falls_-_American_Falls_At_Night.JPG

Living: Pain, Salvation & Love

"Backing away from the problem of pain you never had a home
You've been misguided, you're hiding in shadows for so very long
Don't you believe that you've been deceived?

Pain is a struggle.  Pain hurts and we all experience it.  Some experience it more then others.  At the risk of being called a sadist, I rather like pain.  Let me explain...

Recently I have gotten frustrated at the amount of pain I have heard about.  My heart is heavy for my friends.  Maybe there is always this much pain, maybe I just know more people and care about more situations these days.  But regardless, that doesn't stop me from wanting to run out into the street and start screaming, at God and his angels, the stars and the trees, "Enough.  What is this all about, Stop, just stop"  No more bleeding, no more sadness.

Where is the purpose in all this?  If God is good, how come I feel so broken?

Every human experiences pain.  It manifests itself in a multitude of ways, physical, mental, spiritual and all of those elements pain has at its disposal.  I have experienced a lot of pain the last few years.  But I have overcome much of it.  Yet I don't want to have to go through the pain, at least of those experiences, again.  But I may.  For pain is inevitable, like the sunrise or the new year.  Pain is inevitable, even mandatory to the human experience, but suffering and hopelessness are NOT.

CS Lewis wrote a book called "The problem of Pain".  I have been meaning to read it, but for the purpose of this story, pretend I have.  Lewis goes about proposing the views on pain and supposes a solution in his unique theological, yet scholarly way. 

The existence of suffering in a world created by a good and almighty God—“the problem of pain”—is a fundamental theological dilemma, and perhaps the most serious objection to the Christian religion.- Jacek Bacz

As Lewis notes, pain is a problem.  Yet there is another book I have been meaning to read titled "purpose for the pain", by Renee Yohe.  Renee is the inspiration and story behind To Write Love on Her Arms.  Both these titles and books utilize non-fiction to speak on an inherently universal element in all of humanity, yet one speaks of Pain as a problem, the other as being purposeful or rather having a purpose, some would say purpose driven.
I now lean towards pain on purpose.  I cannot say that all pain will have a happy ending.  But I will say that pain has meaning, always; and that this meaning is of great depth, sometimes we never understand.
But that feeling, even feeling pain, is feeling.  Feelings are a gift, they help us navigate this world.  And feeling something, is better then feeling nothin.  What if this feeling had a purpose, and what if this purpose had a title, and what if somehow your story was building to a climax, and maybe God still has control, and if he doesn't do anything, so far as you can tell, maybe he's putting someone in your life to help you fix things, maybe He already did...
and maybe he wants us to realize we're in this together, that pain is as universal as the stars, and the desire to love and be loved, painful as it may be,
There could be a purpose to this all of this,
and it could be waiting over the next mountain, or the next, or the next,
and your feet, heart, and your eyes, must keep looking to the sky,
step by step, toward the light up ahead,
painful as it may be,



This is the correlation of salvation and love

(Don't drop your arms)
Don't drop your arms, I'll guard your heart
With quiet words I'll lead you in"--

listening:
Anberlin- Unwinding Cable Car, the

http://www.auswaertigesamt.de/diplo/de/Europa/DeutschlandInEuropa/BilateraleBeziehungen/Polen/Bilder/090227-auschwitz,templateId=large__blob.jpg

moments- EVERY fracture caused by the lack of it

It was a beautiful weekend!  Racing and family time are two of my favorite things and I had both this weekend.  The race, held Saturday over nasty terrain in the mud and thunder was, to say the least, a little more difficult then the 60 degree sunny training day I had on the course two weeks prior-
This blog is not about racing, but rather what hits the heart and I love endurance sports because they give you so much time to think and ponder life and love as you physically attempt to conquer peaks and valleys on foot or on a bike or in a boat.  Add to that the camaraderie of new friends, the cheers of fans (sometimes), the sharing of your passion with your family and the "runners high" that happens when your body goes into overdrive (See: there ain't no drug).  So during my over 4.5 hours running through the woods with little people contact alot arose about life and love.  Due to my lack of oxygen and poor blood sugar control I cannot remember much, but I thought specifically about the fact that many moments and many more minutes and even more hours were making up this event, but yet life is to be lived here, and now, moment to intriguing moment. 

It also reminded me about Einstein's theory of relativity and how time is time, but yet sometimes it seems as though it goes faster and other times slower; and never on our schedule, as when even we want some things in life to pass by quick (work, illness)!!

Whether you plan on trying one of these events or not, the lessons found here, especially in the woods, are pertainable to all; that life is, for the most part, a long term story, made up of microcosms and microfractures (and fractals http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/fractals ).  Yet each one of these moments has the equal parts possibility of purpose, of beauty, of Hope: and yet destruction and chaos loom there also.  As if two armies were waging war for a single second of our lives... and the only saving grace, the only field medic available at the end of the day, is LOVE.

"Wake up, wake up,
I think the worst is through,
we are surrounded, by color and life,
and we don't even know it"- Sleeping at Last

Oh yeah,
Dear Mom,
Thank you for doing your best to make my moments lovely and loved.
They are.

Happy Mother's Day

listening to:
Copeland- "brightest"
Copeland*

Ev and flow

I just did a solid, mostly trail run.  My friend and running buddy Chad ran in Webb Forest and C beat me up- Maybe me legs are heavy cause i don't sleep enough, maybe cause i drink too much coffee and not enough water, regardless, there was a moment where we stopped atop Morgan Hill that really struck me (in addition to the fun and effort we always have runnin the trails).

Chad said, "So here's Morgan hill summit.  Now you can say you have run from the lowest point in New London (by Pleasant lake) to the highest point in NL". 

"Wow, yeah I guess I did.  It's beautiful all lush and green and mossy"

I learn a lot out in the woods, runnin or hiking.  But this particular event struck me because that was how I was feeling and how condensed everything has been as of late.  Some friends and other acquaintances have been going through some rough waters to say the least.  It reminded me how life ebb's and flows.  How, even in the course of a day, we can be on top of the world, happy and healthy, feeling valued and worthy; and, as if in an instant, we can feel as though we are at the bottom, walked on, trampled, dejected; ALONE.

Well, whether you are on the top of mountain in your life or if you are attempting to climb up out of a muddy pit, know that life throws these things at us.  And that we are never alone in it, Never.  I would encourage you to move toward what corresponds to your heart, what makes your heart smile, especially in the midst of chaos, confusion and pain.

 I cannot guarantee when or how, but I can promise that if you do this, even in the moment you least expect, you will look up to see the opening in the trees you've been dreaming of, to see the story you had almost given up on. 

And in living and understanding that we cannot survive these ups and downs alone, know that Love keeps no score, and you're life and your heart, are never a burden; but rather the most precious pieces of a hopeful world.

This post is dedicated to my beloved friend Evan Shaw.  Let Jesus' snowboard carry you down where the meadows are peaceful and streams of abundance flow, flow, flow <><

listening to, Burden, by Horse Feathers:
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QgznBuct_jY

Breathless expectation

To all my friends at CSC and those friends I have yet to meet;

May your summer be beautiful, like the stars as they move,
That your faith may hold you, as a mother and child crossing the street,
That your Hope may burn bright, as the fire you dance around,
That your love may move, for it is in the moving that we give words their meanings and actions to the heart,

That you may stand to those things that would have you be pushed and pulled to a place outside of your very own destiny,
That you would laugh, love, live free and sing, (ANBERLIN)
And that your heart would be Alive,
So alive that others follow you for the light you posses,
So Alive, you radiate love and romanticize peace.

So to reiterate the message of TWLOHA; every one of us has a story.  It's completely unique to us, like our finger prints.  Each story ebbs and flows, each story is full of mountain top screams of joy, and bottom of the ocean drowning, dwindling life.  Yet we choose to live, because we are Alive.  The greatest gift is to truly live.  I hope everyone has the people and experiences in their life this summer to help them do just that. 

And in learning and living your own story, that you have the courage to step out, in breathless expectation, to go wherever your Hopeful dreams and Bold heart would lead you... (ellipses)

(image CSC website)

Beginnings (II)

Lights and sounds add to the pictures we see to make them come alive. Lighting is so important in the scenes that strike us. The lighting adn the mood, if you will, was perfect today in OLF church and it was a beauitufl service of beginnings. The kids were making first communion, i think 26 kids in total. They all looked super spiffy in their shirts and ties and the girls were wearing white dresses with veils.

I was struck by the scene, the packed church, the lighting behind the crucifix, the families other children playing in the aisles, my friends scattered throughout the chruch looking on. As is custom, I was about five minutes late (yes i have a problem with tardiness)(and no, i cannot blame this on my bike accident) and hence, standing room only. So I slipped into the back of the churhc and let myself be renewed. Church for me, at least in the last few months, has been about just being consumed, and listening. Todays service was especially significant, because it made me think about starting over and taking Christ in to our lives fully. Combine that with the aforementioned scene, the lights and sounds, and the innocence and Hope of 26 children, and you have a world of emotion and a beautiful picture of how the world could possibly be. And even though that picture lasted all but an hour, i was filled with Hope in the next generation, the bread of Christ and the love of my half full glass suddenly full.

Thank God for this morning and thank God for the new beginnings that are offered us every day.

"Every Breathe is a second chance"- SwitchfooT

Acts 2: 42-47