Its been a tough couple days. Lotsa stuff to occupy the mind and work through; for many people around CSC. I believe we are doing the best we can to bring truth and love to campus and as such, we have to deal with a lot of stuff that comes up from our past(s). Its painful, it's tricky, it's dam hard... but it's worth it.
So one of my escapes and sources of renewal is running. On my run yesterday, I was running on a side road and there was a tree down in the middle of the road. Not a huge tree, but not a small one either, probably like 20 feet long. So I decided to play the Samaritan and haul that tree off into the forest to be with its other wind stricken, fallen comrades. As I was struggling with the overgrown sapling, a mini-van came barreling down the road and flew by. In my fit of frustration and endorphins, I jumped into the middle of the road and yelled, "you're welcome" at the top of my lungs...
and then i felt stupid. Stupid and tired. That whole thing about a good deed with bad intention cancelling out the fact that it was a good deed, yeah that. hmm. How quick we are to judge. How quick we are to let anger lead, because, after all, we just did something good, we must have all the answers right?
Well, no. And through the midst of the chaos, relief Always comes at its appointed time. My renewal was not so much in my run that day, but rather in the kids I work with (yay for good behavior and the hilarious moments where everything makes sense in the words of a child) and a surprise meeting with my ol roomate and close friend. People! God gets us, he feels us, he knows our hearts. We can't get out of our bad moods alone, we can't even humble ourselves to realise the beauty in the moment. We can't even stop our impulses enough to think about how this feeling, the one filling your legs and exiting your chest, this anger and absolute feeling of betrayal, was the very same one Jesus felt and is still feeling, over and over again. We are to move closer by loving, To love someone is to move closer. Even through good deeds.
I mentioned this blog is about everyday miracles. Everyday truly is. Let's slow down and help our futile minds grasp this notion. For our stories still have an author who cares, still have a reason to believe.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bv0LsrTGuAE
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I had a similar thing happen last week. there's a square garden in the middle of campus with recycling bins. someone had ripped up all beautiful tulips from the roots, and tipped a bin over, just creating a dredful seen of destroyed beauty (but beauty none the less!) after walking by once, shaking my head, and taking a picture of the seen, i got back to my dorm and was just overwhelmed with ghandi's voice "be the change you want to see in the world". so i went out in the pouring rain and picked up every last leaf and snot tissue. people walked by, no one bothered to help, and though i didn't express in the way you had (outloud) my heart silently jumped that I was the good samaritan, making a change, and THEY were the slactivistic onlookers. and i, like you, was in great need of humility and a stronger focus.
ReplyDeletewe must keep a watchful eye on all parts of us. Father, find ANY wrong way in us and DESTROY it. turn these works to please your eye.
(Kellie)