"Will you're name be recorded?"

learning how to wait... (the Almost)

I have had the opportunity to listen as of late.  To listen instead of speak, and let me tell you, this is hard.  To everyone who knows me, I am a person who loves good conversation and to prove a point.  But, as the bible so often reminds me, this life is not about me.  I have felt very anxious and impatient as i start a new season of life.  It has been as if all the world and all the experiences, thoughts and emotions that have gone into my life, have hit a standstill; a dead end; a writer's block, an ellipses. 
But,
this is a lie.
I had the opportunity to join a few older men at Panera Bread recently after work.  My friend and mentor Benny was kind enough to buy me a salad and a coffee (no money) and allow me to "meet" with some friends in what was quickly becoming a weekly event.  During the time I spent there (a little less than an hour) I got the opportunity to learn a great deal.  These men had all been through the age and time period of my life I was currently in, not only that, but lo and behold, they had survived and were living great stories.  Everyone present spoke to my life and my heart, but it was the man across from me, Wayne, whose words really pierced my young and stubborn mind.
  After re-enforcing what I had learned all summer (that we cannot save/please/protect/teach EVERYONE we encounter) and sharing a bit of his background, he proceeded to explain the "meaning" behind his work, which has been with the Postal Service for 32 years.  But, as you might imagine, we did not talk about mail or packages.  He really got my attention when he spoke these words very firmly,
"Will you're name be remembered in the history books?"
I thought at first he was making some sort of theological or philosophical point, but he was dead serious. 
"How about you?"
Everyone around the table said no, and he promptly continued to explain that his name is recorded in Washington D.C. int he national archives as he was the post master of two towns for a good deal of those 32 years.  He told this story, not out of pride, but out of the fact that his story mattered.  His seemingly simple job was important.  Well beyond a name being recorded, he got to supervise, to watch over others.  To serve them in a multitude of ways, above and WAY beyond the standard postmaster.  He was a friend, a counselor, a mentor, a nurse, an aide, a shoulder, a friend.  He had truly made the most of his profession and used it for the will of the one who sent him.  You see, Wayne studied guidance and counseling in grad school and even had his own practice for over two years.  But it was not in an office or school where he most used his acquired skill and his heart for service, but rather in delivering mail and supervising mailmen.
  I finished my first statement by saying " this is a lie".  It's so true.  I have put so much pressure on myself to live and love and serve, serve, serve; that I have forgotten why I serve.  That I have let anxiety and worry overcome "doing".  That I have let stress de-rail my train and that I have only "felt God" when I actually let go and let the truth and beauty held within the flesh that I am shine forth.  Actually let go.
But worst of all, I have not even comprehended the blessings that have come my way over the past month.  Namely that I have a new job and a renewed chance at Love.
and for that,
I am truly sorry,
yet so overflowing with Hope.
What am I going to be?  Who can I help?  Will my name be recorded in history?

It is time to take my own advice,
It's time to "Let go and Let Love"

listen:
Sleeping at Last "Next to me"